What's Going On

I haven't posted in about 3 weeks. Things have been up and down over here.

The doctor and I have been messing with my antidepressants. Why we were doing so is a long-ish type story that I'll skip for now.

We decided to replace my Lexapro with Wellbutrin.

That was a bad idea.

I quickly sank into the blah-ness of depression again. And it FREAKED me out. I knew I couldn't go back to that spiraling hole in the ground. I called the doctor and after playing phone tag all day (because, really, that's what we all want to do on a Monday morning, isn't it?!), after me sobbing to the nurse that I wanted my Lexapro back, the doctor said we would try me on Lexapro again, at the half the dosage of my original prescrip.

Well, silly me. I confused the prescrip. bottles and continued the Wellbutrin, thinking that I was taking the Lexapro.

Things continued to get worse. My brain was fuzzy, my attitude was grouchy, my temper was short, my desire to workout (train!) for my next tri was gone. This is not good.

Once I realized I was taking the wrong meds (DOH!), I switched back to my Lexapro, at the full dosage level. Happiness!

I was reflecting on all of this, because, really, this is pretty much all that I dwell on these days, and realized that I have been depressed for more than HALF my married life. I've been married for almost 11 years and depressed for almost 6. My dear, sweet husband deserves a medal of honor for sticking by me and loving me and encouraging me to do what I need to do to get better. I do not deserve such a man. Thank you, honey for unconditionally loving me.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share all of this with the world. It's kinda embarrassing, especially because I used to be one of those people who thought depressed people should just "get over it and be happy".

But after finding a few friends who struggle with depression on a daily basis, I have realized how comforting it is to have someone to talk to about this. Someone to be a sounding board for how I feel, how I'm reacting, how I'm doing. So, if my sharing about this disease can help someone else feel more "normal", then I will share all day.

One of my depressed friends (really, we need to come up with a better name than that) referred me to a psychiatrist. I have an appointment with her in one week. I want someone other than my primary physician to oversee my meds and my mental state.

Will let you know how that goes!

Our Staycation

After my husband had a particularly stressful week at work (and I'm SURE the girls and I didn't add ANY stress to it!) I had the brilliant idea to whisk him away for the weekend. I scoured last minute travel sites, but nothing was worth the price for the two nights that we could afford to be gone. AND we would be bringing the kids, which adds an entirely other factor to travel planning.

So, I jumped on the wagon and decided we would go on a staycation. You know, we'd stay somewhere close to home, but far enough away that it felt like a vacation.

I had a gift certificate to a hotel in Dallas. Scott won this at some golf tournament he played in and it expired in October. Yea me, I think. Saving money AND having a staycation.

I coordinated with Scott's business partner so that his schedule would be clear on Friday afternoon. Schedule cleared. The girls and I show up at his office and surprise him. Which was more embarrassing for ME because I had only been to his office ONCE since he changed jobs this past February. ONCE. The kids had to show me where to go. Eeek.

I told the girls we were going to kidnap Daddy this weekend and they thought that was a great idea! I even brought Scott a bottle of Corona to drink on the way to the hotel. You know, like the commercial where the guy is sitting on the beach and playing paper football? That was the vacation Scott REALLY wanted, but just not possible right now. I was trying!! He at least had a beer. Which turned out to be a good thing. I should've brought more than just one.

Scott was surprised and off we went to Dallas. I was even nice enough to drive. We didn't tell him where we were going, but I finally caved in to the pressure and told him. His first response? "I don't mind paying for the Westin or Four Seasons."

Mind you, neither of those were the hotel we were going to. So, not starting off on a great note. Then, we battled our way through Dallas traffic at 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon. I do not like traffic and I was a mess.

We get to the hotel, and it was a dump. We check in, go to our room, pass the pool and notice it is full of creepy old men. Get in our room, and it has not been cleaned. Ever had that happen? One of the beds was mussed and there were dirty towels in the bathroom. YUK. Again, this is not shaping up to be the fun getaway I had planned in my mind. Not even coming close. I was doing my best not to cry.

We haul all of stuff back to the car, Scott tells the lady at the front desk that we're not staying here since it's not as "family oriented" as we thought. Something to do with the fact that there was a check in line dedicated to airline employees. And the creepy guys by the pool.

We call the Westin Stonebriar and get their last room (so they say) and we zoom across town, again. Actually, it was more of a crawl. And I made Scott drive.

Finally, we get there. We check in. We go to our room, lay down, and sigh. THIS was what we had in mind. And after all that, we had a really good time!

We went swimming, saw Despicable Me, did a lot of laying around, did some shopping (got the kids their school backpacks, with matching lunch boxes, because really, everyone needs a matching lunch box, right?!), more swimming, room service, peeked in on the wedding reception being held at the hotel and got to see the bride. She was beautiful.

It was a great change in the weekend for us. And the girls will always remember the weekend we kidnapped Daddy! At least, I hope they do.

My Review of T30037 Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game

Originally submitted at FetchDog.com

Our Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game is designed to capture canine curiosity, engaging your dog in the hunt for tasty rewards - and the positive reinforcement of a job well done. Hide dog treats inside for hours of fun. 11dia x 2H Hide treats inside Make the most of doggie downtime with this ...

T30037 Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game

Doesn't work for us

By Cozychairbks from Fort Worth, TX on 7/7/2010

 

3out of 5

Cons: Not Much Fun

Best Uses: Indoors

Describe Yourself: Long-time Pet Owner

I bought this for my border collie/blue heeler mix. She figured it out immed. and can find all the hidden treats before we can make it out the door. Thus, this toy is not useful for us. I wish I hadn't spent the money on it.

(legalese)

My journey

I wanted to share just a bit of my journey into the world of triathlons.

After the birth of The Princess, I slipped into Post-partum depression. Months and months later, after trying various drugs and therapies, I thought I was "cured". Better, so to speak. I got on with the every day routine of having 2 kids to care for, and a sweet, hard working husband.

But I couldn't lose the extra baby weight from the last pregnancy. I tried running and although I was successful (by my standards, not anyone else's) I didn't like it. Too hard on my knees, and honestly, it's boring. And I wasn't losing weight.

I tried a personal trainer for 6 months. We only met twice a week, and while she was good, it wasn't what I needed.

And still, I hated my body. It was a constant thought of mine-how overweight I was. It did not occur to me at the time, but I was fairly obsessive about it, which is not normal. Not normal at all. I went to bed every night thinking how I hated the way my pj's didn't fit like they used to, and I woke up every morning, thinking what am I going to wear that fits? It took Scott to point out to me that my obsessing was not healthy, or normal. That bit of advice, however correct he was, was not well received.

It took several trips to the OB/GYN before I realized what he had been telling me all along: I was depressed and I needed to be on meds. So I started on Lexapro.

And an amazing thing happened: I was interested in life again. I was able to start something and finish it. I wasn't so moody and angry all the time. Now, this wasn't an overnight change. It has taken months.

How does all of this fit into my triathlon training? I was ready to begin exercising again, and I wanted to do something other than running (whether on the treadmill or outside on the trail). Now that I had "me" back (welcome back, me!) I was ready to try something new and challenging.

The opportunity came up for me to join a group of friends who were training for their first (or second) triathlon. We were provided with a 12 week exercise guide and I jumped in. It was intimidating at first, as my friends are the type of people who enjoy running marathons. I enjoy sitting on the sidelines and cheering on the marathoners.

I discovered that I love to swim. In the beginning, it was my worst event of the three (swimming, biking, and running) but now it is my best and my favorite. I have worked my way up to 1200 yards at a time during practice. 1200 yards, people! I could barely finish half a lap when I first started!! Look at me! I have accomplished something and I like it!!

The bike leg is now my worst event, but I'm working on it. I think most of it is mental: I get out there on the road by myself in a race and I start telling myself how tired I am, how windy it is, how hilly the road is.

Physically, I can do a sprint triathlon. Mentally, I'm still working on parts of it.

I'm currently training for my third triathlon. It has even crossed my mind that m a y b e next summer I could try an Olympic triathlon (longer distances than a Sprint).

I have not lost much weight (which can be very distressing if I let it be) but I have toned up and slimmed down. I've lost a dress size, and now feel so much more confidence in myself.

I'm a triathlete! Me! The one who was so terrible in sports in high school. I held the title of "Benchwarmer" for several years. Me! Who has never ever ever been good at sports, has found something that not only I like, but I'm good at!

Which brings me to karate. I LOVE karate. It requires a lot of practice, but it's so much fun. Karate also led to my latest discovery, which is not so good.

I look like SpongeBob.

Seriously. The karate studio has floor to ceiling windows and I was staring at myself during warm-ups the other day. And I realized that I look like SpongeBob. Large shoulders (swimmer's shoulders), then I taper off. There is no distinguishing waistline--just my yellow karate belt where my waist should be. *sigh*

So, I'll keep training for tris, and hopefully, I'll lose my SpongeBob-ness.

My favorite job

I love being a mom.

Yes, there are challenging, pull out my hair moments. There are also the gross me out, this is going to make me vomit moments. But, really, I love it all.

I enjoy driving my kids to their activities/camps/practices. I don't enjoy the fighting, but I do like listening to them giggling in the backseat. Those giggles are precious, sweet moments that I tuck away in my heart. Then on the bad days, I pull out those memories and those giggles and I remember that I DO love these kiddos and they really are sweet, kind, fun people.

I like going in and meeting their teachers/coaches, and finding out what they've been up to all afternoon. I like seeing their artwork, seeing where they sit, who they like to sit next to.

I like hanging out in the school library and talking to other moms. I like helping students find the book they are looking for. I like getting book recommendations from 5th graders.

I like arts and crafts projects...even the messy ones. Glitter everywhere. Marker on the table. Smiles on my girls' faces. Artwork I can hang on the fridge, or in the hallway, or in my bedroom.

And I love the snuggles that I get from a sleepy child who needs some one-on-mom time. Or the sweet little hand that grabs mine as we walk through the parking lot.

This is the best job I have ever had. And the toughest. And the most rewarding. It's not easy by any means. Especially when the girls can't get along. Especially when I'm a grouchy bear. Bu, really, it's amazing.

I was designed by God to be a mom.

The Persistent Princess

Learned something about The Princess this past Sunday at church.

The sermon was titled, "Learning to Pray...the Jesus Way; A Seminar on Prayer". It was based on Luke 11:1-13, but the part that caught me was based on verses 5-10. It's the Parable of the Persistent Friend.

Persistent is a word that describes The Princess perfectly. She can wear you down.

I had an "ah-ha" moment during the sermon. Pastor Ted was explaining that the persistence of the man led to his neighbor giving him bread so he could properly entertain his guests. The man banged on the door of his neighbor's house over and over, eventually pulling the man out of his bed. And he got the bread he was seeking. He took it home, and properly entertained his guests. He was not shamed because he was persistent.

That, as the pastor explained, is a shameless persistence. It is asking, seeking, and knocking until there is an acceptable answer.

That's how The Princess lives her life. She will ask questions over and over, seeking the answer that she knows is there. She will rephrase the question, turn it around, ask a leading question, ask another question. She gets frustrated with you if you don't have the answer she is looking for. She will not stop until she is satisfied with the answer. "I don't know" is NOT an acceptable answer.

As much as this personality trait wears me out (on a daily basis) I love her for it. And I pray she applies it to her spiritual life.

The sermon notes ended with this, "God wants us to ask often and to be persistent - if we can expect a reluctant man to give what was needed, how much more can we expect our God to give us what we need?"

And now, I apply it to my life: I will be persistent in my prayers to handle this sweet Princess the right way. I will persist in loving her, even when I want to scream and give up. I will ask Him over and over and over for guidance and wisdom to raise this beautiful child who has an amazing story to write with her life.

And I expect Him to give me what I need.

Goals

Last night, Reagan and I earned our first stripes on our yellow belts.

I knew Reagan would earn hers. I wasn't so sure about myself.

We've been in the yellow belt class for 4 weeks now and we have been working on Form 2 the entire time. We've also been reviewing Form 1, which is necessary because you can forget parts of it.

In the beginning, Reagan and I struggled with Form 2. I remembered how we struggled with Form 1 in the beginning and kept encouraging Reagan that we could do this. Form 1 looked impossible at first. And we learned it. We could probably perform it in our sleep...or at least with our eyes closed.

Form 2 looked impossible at first. New stances, new blocks, new twisty motions. But we practiced. We practiced in class, we practiced at home, and we practiced with a friend of Reagan's from school who got the hang of it before we did. We watched it on my iPhone (there's an app for everything!!).

We asked the instructors over and over to show us, one more time, how to fold, how to turn, how to remember which way to fold and turn. They were patient. They were helpful.

And we practiced. Reagan got the Form down before I did. I even opted, in one class, to do 10 push-ups rather than attempt Form 2 and mess up and have to do 15 push-ups.

The goal had been set. We were being assessed over Form 2 on May 27. We had to know it.

So we kept practicing. We practiced together, we took turns, we critiqued each other. We concentrated on others when they were practicing. I'm telling you, this was really hard for me. (I already mentioned that Reagan got this down before me, right?!) I would get one part of it, then forget another part, then forget all of it when I had to perform it by myself.

But, you know what? In the end, we did it. We performed it, two at a time, in front of our instructors and we did it. Reagan nailed it. She is good at this karate stuff.

I felt like I messed up one punch, but that might have been the adrenaline washing away my memory. In the end, I was awarded my stripe for Form 2.

It feels GREAT to have set a goal (learning Form 2 and earning a stripe for it) and accomplishing that goal.

Makes me realize that I need to set goals for other areas of my life. If I can set one karate goal and accomplish it in 4 weeks with a lot of practice and concentration, then how else could my life be affected by goal setting?