What's Going On

I haven't posted in about 3 weeks. Things have been up and down over here.

The doctor and I have been messing with my antidepressants. Why we were doing so is a long-ish type story that I'll skip for now.

We decided to replace my Lexapro with Wellbutrin.

That was a bad idea.

I quickly sank into the blah-ness of depression again. And it FREAKED me out. I knew I couldn't go back to that spiraling hole in the ground. I called the doctor and after playing phone tag all day (because, really, that's what we all want to do on a Monday morning, isn't it?!), after me sobbing to the nurse that I wanted my Lexapro back, the doctor said we would try me on Lexapro again, at the half the dosage of my original prescrip.

Well, silly me. I confused the prescrip. bottles and continued the Wellbutrin, thinking that I was taking the Lexapro.

Things continued to get worse. My brain was fuzzy, my attitude was grouchy, my temper was short, my desire to workout (train!) for my next tri was gone. This is not good.

Once I realized I was taking the wrong meds (DOH!), I switched back to my Lexapro, at the full dosage level. Happiness!

I was reflecting on all of this, because, really, this is pretty much all that I dwell on these days, and realized that I have been depressed for more than HALF my married life. I've been married for almost 11 years and depressed for almost 6. My dear, sweet husband deserves a medal of honor for sticking by me and loving me and encouraging me to do what I need to do to get better. I do not deserve such a man. Thank you, honey for unconditionally loving me.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share all of this with the world. It's kinda embarrassing, especially because I used to be one of those people who thought depressed people should just "get over it and be happy".

But after finding a few friends who struggle with depression on a daily basis, I have realized how comforting it is to have someone to talk to about this. Someone to be a sounding board for how I feel, how I'm reacting, how I'm doing. So, if my sharing about this disease can help someone else feel more "normal", then I will share all day.

One of my depressed friends (really, we need to come up with a better name than that) referred me to a psychiatrist. I have an appointment with her in one week. I want someone other than my primary physician to oversee my meds and my mental state.

Will let you know how that goes!