What's Going On

I haven't posted in about 3 weeks. Things have been up and down over here.

The doctor and I have been messing with my antidepressants. Why we were doing so is a long-ish type story that I'll skip for now.

We decided to replace my Lexapro with Wellbutrin.

That was a bad idea.

I quickly sank into the blah-ness of depression again. And it FREAKED me out. I knew I couldn't go back to that spiraling hole in the ground. I called the doctor and after playing phone tag all day (because, really, that's what we all want to do on a Monday morning, isn't it?!), after me sobbing to the nurse that I wanted my Lexapro back, the doctor said we would try me on Lexapro again, at the half the dosage of my original prescrip.

Well, silly me. I confused the prescrip. bottles and continued the Wellbutrin, thinking that I was taking the Lexapro.

Things continued to get worse. My brain was fuzzy, my attitude was grouchy, my temper was short, my desire to workout (train!) for my next tri was gone. This is not good.

Once I realized I was taking the wrong meds (DOH!), I switched back to my Lexapro, at the full dosage level. Happiness!

I was reflecting on all of this, because, really, this is pretty much all that I dwell on these days, and realized that I have been depressed for more than HALF my married life. I've been married for almost 11 years and depressed for almost 6. My dear, sweet husband deserves a medal of honor for sticking by me and loving me and encouraging me to do what I need to do to get better. I do not deserve such a man. Thank you, honey for unconditionally loving me.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share all of this with the world. It's kinda embarrassing, especially because I used to be one of those people who thought depressed people should just "get over it and be happy".

But after finding a few friends who struggle with depression on a daily basis, I have realized how comforting it is to have someone to talk to about this. Someone to be a sounding board for how I feel, how I'm reacting, how I'm doing. So, if my sharing about this disease can help someone else feel more "normal", then I will share all day.

One of my depressed friends (really, we need to come up with a better name than that) referred me to a psychiatrist. I have an appointment with her in one week. I want someone other than my primary physician to oversee my meds and my mental state.

Will let you know how that goes!

Our Staycation

After my husband had a particularly stressful week at work (and I'm SURE the girls and I didn't add ANY stress to it!) I had the brilliant idea to whisk him away for the weekend. I scoured last minute travel sites, but nothing was worth the price for the two nights that we could afford to be gone. AND we would be bringing the kids, which adds an entirely other factor to travel planning.

So, I jumped on the wagon and decided we would go on a staycation. You know, we'd stay somewhere close to home, but far enough away that it felt like a vacation.

I had a gift certificate to a hotel in Dallas. Scott won this at some golf tournament he played in and it expired in October. Yea me, I think. Saving money AND having a staycation.

I coordinated with Scott's business partner so that his schedule would be clear on Friday afternoon. Schedule cleared. The girls and I show up at his office and surprise him. Which was more embarrassing for ME because I had only been to his office ONCE since he changed jobs this past February. ONCE. The kids had to show me where to go. Eeek.

I told the girls we were going to kidnap Daddy this weekend and they thought that was a great idea! I even brought Scott a bottle of Corona to drink on the way to the hotel. You know, like the commercial where the guy is sitting on the beach and playing paper football? That was the vacation Scott REALLY wanted, but just not possible right now. I was trying!! He at least had a beer. Which turned out to be a good thing. I should've brought more than just one.

Scott was surprised and off we went to Dallas. I was even nice enough to drive. We didn't tell him where we were going, but I finally caved in to the pressure and told him. His first response? "I don't mind paying for the Westin or Four Seasons."

Mind you, neither of those were the hotel we were going to. So, not starting off on a great note. Then, we battled our way through Dallas traffic at 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon. I do not like traffic and I was a mess.

We get to the hotel, and it was a dump. We check in, go to our room, pass the pool and notice it is full of creepy old men. Get in our room, and it has not been cleaned. Ever had that happen? One of the beds was mussed and there were dirty towels in the bathroom. YUK. Again, this is not shaping up to be the fun getaway I had planned in my mind. Not even coming close. I was doing my best not to cry.

We haul all of stuff back to the car, Scott tells the lady at the front desk that we're not staying here since it's not as "family oriented" as we thought. Something to do with the fact that there was a check in line dedicated to airline employees. And the creepy guys by the pool.

We call the Westin Stonebriar and get their last room (so they say) and we zoom across town, again. Actually, it was more of a crawl. And I made Scott drive.

Finally, we get there. We check in. We go to our room, lay down, and sigh. THIS was what we had in mind. And after all that, we had a really good time!

We went swimming, saw Despicable Me, did a lot of laying around, did some shopping (got the kids their school backpacks, with matching lunch boxes, because really, everyone needs a matching lunch box, right?!), more swimming, room service, peeked in on the wedding reception being held at the hotel and got to see the bride. She was beautiful.

It was a great change in the weekend for us. And the girls will always remember the weekend we kidnapped Daddy! At least, I hope they do.

My Review of T30037 Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game

Originally submitted at FetchDog.com

Our Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game is designed to capture canine curiosity, engaging your dog in the hunt for tasty rewards - and the positive reinforcement of a job well done. Hide dog treats inside for hours of fun. 11dia x 2H Hide treats inside Make the most of doggie downtime with this ...

T30037 Magic Bones Interactive Dog Game

Doesn't work for us

By Cozychairbks from Fort Worth, TX on 7/7/2010

 

3out of 5

Cons: Not Much Fun

Best Uses: Indoors

Describe Yourself: Long-time Pet Owner

I bought this for my border collie/blue heeler mix. She figured it out immed. and can find all the hidden treats before we can make it out the door. Thus, this toy is not useful for us. I wish I hadn't spent the money on it.

(legalese)

My journey

I wanted to share just a bit of my journey into the world of triathlons.

After the birth of The Princess, I slipped into Post-partum depression. Months and months later, after trying various drugs and therapies, I thought I was "cured". Better, so to speak. I got on with the every day routine of having 2 kids to care for, and a sweet, hard working husband.

But I couldn't lose the extra baby weight from the last pregnancy. I tried running and although I was successful (by my standards, not anyone else's) I didn't like it. Too hard on my knees, and honestly, it's boring. And I wasn't losing weight.

I tried a personal trainer for 6 months. We only met twice a week, and while she was good, it wasn't what I needed.

And still, I hated my body. It was a constant thought of mine-how overweight I was. It did not occur to me at the time, but I was fairly obsessive about it, which is not normal. Not normal at all. I went to bed every night thinking how I hated the way my pj's didn't fit like they used to, and I woke up every morning, thinking what am I going to wear that fits? It took Scott to point out to me that my obsessing was not healthy, or normal. That bit of advice, however correct he was, was not well received.

It took several trips to the OB/GYN before I realized what he had been telling me all along: I was depressed and I needed to be on meds. So I started on Lexapro.

And an amazing thing happened: I was interested in life again. I was able to start something and finish it. I wasn't so moody and angry all the time. Now, this wasn't an overnight change. It has taken months.

How does all of this fit into my triathlon training? I was ready to begin exercising again, and I wanted to do something other than running (whether on the treadmill or outside on the trail). Now that I had "me" back (welcome back, me!) I was ready to try something new and challenging.

The opportunity came up for me to join a group of friends who were training for their first (or second) triathlon. We were provided with a 12 week exercise guide and I jumped in. It was intimidating at first, as my friends are the type of people who enjoy running marathons. I enjoy sitting on the sidelines and cheering on the marathoners.

I discovered that I love to swim. In the beginning, it was my worst event of the three (swimming, biking, and running) but now it is my best and my favorite. I have worked my way up to 1200 yards at a time during practice. 1200 yards, people! I could barely finish half a lap when I first started!! Look at me! I have accomplished something and I like it!!

The bike leg is now my worst event, but I'm working on it. I think most of it is mental: I get out there on the road by myself in a race and I start telling myself how tired I am, how windy it is, how hilly the road is.

Physically, I can do a sprint triathlon. Mentally, I'm still working on parts of it.

I'm currently training for my third triathlon. It has even crossed my mind that m a y b e next summer I could try an Olympic triathlon (longer distances than a Sprint).

I have not lost much weight (which can be very distressing if I let it be) but I have toned up and slimmed down. I've lost a dress size, and now feel so much more confidence in myself.

I'm a triathlete! Me! The one who was so terrible in sports in high school. I held the title of "Benchwarmer" for several years. Me! Who has never ever ever been good at sports, has found something that not only I like, but I'm good at!

Which brings me to karate. I LOVE karate. It requires a lot of practice, but it's so much fun. Karate also led to my latest discovery, which is not so good.

I look like SpongeBob.

Seriously. The karate studio has floor to ceiling windows and I was staring at myself during warm-ups the other day. And I realized that I look like SpongeBob. Large shoulders (swimmer's shoulders), then I taper off. There is no distinguishing waistline--just my yellow karate belt where my waist should be. *sigh*

So, I'll keep training for tris, and hopefully, I'll lose my SpongeBob-ness.

My favorite job

I love being a mom.

Yes, there are challenging, pull out my hair moments. There are also the gross me out, this is going to make me vomit moments. But, really, I love it all.

I enjoy driving my kids to their activities/camps/practices. I don't enjoy the fighting, but I do like listening to them giggling in the backseat. Those giggles are precious, sweet moments that I tuck away in my heart. Then on the bad days, I pull out those memories and those giggles and I remember that I DO love these kiddos and they really are sweet, kind, fun people.

I like going in and meeting their teachers/coaches, and finding out what they've been up to all afternoon. I like seeing their artwork, seeing where they sit, who they like to sit next to.

I like hanging out in the school library and talking to other moms. I like helping students find the book they are looking for. I like getting book recommendations from 5th graders.

I like arts and crafts projects...even the messy ones. Glitter everywhere. Marker on the table. Smiles on my girls' faces. Artwork I can hang on the fridge, or in the hallway, or in my bedroom.

And I love the snuggles that I get from a sleepy child who needs some one-on-mom time. Or the sweet little hand that grabs mine as we walk through the parking lot.

This is the best job I have ever had. And the toughest. And the most rewarding. It's not easy by any means. Especially when the girls can't get along. Especially when I'm a grouchy bear. Bu, really, it's amazing.

I was designed by God to be a mom.

The Persistent Princess

Learned something about The Princess this past Sunday at church.

The sermon was titled, "Learning to Pray...the Jesus Way; A Seminar on Prayer". It was based on Luke 11:1-13, but the part that caught me was based on verses 5-10. It's the Parable of the Persistent Friend.

Persistent is a word that describes The Princess perfectly. She can wear you down.

I had an "ah-ha" moment during the sermon. Pastor Ted was explaining that the persistence of the man led to his neighbor giving him bread so he could properly entertain his guests. The man banged on the door of his neighbor's house over and over, eventually pulling the man out of his bed. And he got the bread he was seeking. He took it home, and properly entertained his guests. He was not shamed because he was persistent.

That, as the pastor explained, is a shameless persistence. It is asking, seeking, and knocking until there is an acceptable answer.

That's how The Princess lives her life. She will ask questions over and over, seeking the answer that she knows is there. She will rephrase the question, turn it around, ask a leading question, ask another question. She gets frustrated with you if you don't have the answer she is looking for. She will not stop until she is satisfied with the answer. "I don't know" is NOT an acceptable answer.

As much as this personality trait wears me out (on a daily basis) I love her for it. And I pray she applies it to her spiritual life.

The sermon notes ended with this, "God wants us to ask often and to be persistent - if we can expect a reluctant man to give what was needed, how much more can we expect our God to give us what we need?"

And now, I apply it to my life: I will be persistent in my prayers to handle this sweet Princess the right way. I will persist in loving her, even when I want to scream and give up. I will ask Him over and over and over for guidance and wisdom to raise this beautiful child who has an amazing story to write with her life.

And I expect Him to give me what I need.

Goals

Last night, Reagan and I earned our first stripes on our yellow belts.

I knew Reagan would earn hers. I wasn't so sure about myself.

We've been in the yellow belt class for 4 weeks now and we have been working on Form 2 the entire time. We've also been reviewing Form 1, which is necessary because you can forget parts of it.

In the beginning, Reagan and I struggled with Form 2. I remembered how we struggled with Form 1 in the beginning and kept encouraging Reagan that we could do this. Form 1 looked impossible at first. And we learned it. We could probably perform it in our sleep...or at least with our eyes closed.

Form 2 looked impossible at first. New stances, new blocks, new twisty motions. But we practiced. We practiced in class, we practiced at home, and we practiced with a friend of Reagan's from school who got the hang of it before we did. We watched it on my iPhone (there's an app for everything!!).

We asked the instructors over and over to show us, one more time, how to fold, how to turn, how to remember which way to fold and turn. They were patient. They were helpful.

And we practiced. Reagan got the Form down before I did. I even opted, in one class, to do 10 push-ups rather than attempt Form 2 and mess up and have to do 15 push-ups.

The goal had been set. We were being assessed over Form 2 on May 27. We had to know it.

So we kept practicing. We practiced together, we took turns, we critiqued each other. We concentrated on others when they were practicing. I'm telling you, this was really hard for me. (I already mentioned that Reagan got this down before me, right?!) I would get one part of it, then forget another part, then forget all of it when I had to perform it by myself.

But, you know what? In the end, we did it. We performed it, two at a time, in front of our instructors and we did it. Reagan nailed it. She is good at this karate stuff.

I felt like I messed up one punch, but that might have been the adrenaline washing away my memory. In the end, I was awarded my stripe for Form 2.

It feels GREAT to have set a goal (learning Form 2 and earning a stripe for it) and accomplishing that goal.

Makes me realize that I need to set goals for other areas of my life. If I can set one karate goal and accomplish it in 4 weeks with a lot of practice and concentration, then how else could my life be affected by goal setting?

Finished!

We did it. We made it through another school year.

And it was a wonderful school year.

The girls both had great teachers and they had so much fun. And they learned some stuff along the way, too.

I now officially have a 2nd grader and a kindergartener.

It's been harder dealing with the fact that my youngest is going to kindergarten than it was with my older one. She's 5 and a half and is SO grown-up.

She and I won't have anymore Tuesday/Thursday time to spend together since she'll be in school 5 days a week next year. No more letting her sleep in on those mornings, or taking big sister to school in her p.j.s.

Once a week the Princess and I would go to Starbucks for a drink and a mid-morning snack. We'd giggle about stuff and try new foods. She is now very much in love with the pumpkin bread.

*sigh* Maybe I'll have to take her late to school next year, just every once in awhile so we can keep doing that.

Princess has grown so much in the past few weeks. And not just physically, although she has done that, too. She has matured emotionally and mentally. She is ready for kindergarten.

Wow.

Bask Shower Caddy by Umbra

I bought this at The Container Store yesterday and am already in love with it!

The girls share a bathroom, and we had Barbies all over the bathtub. At least 10 Barbies. I kid you not. Plus smaller toys that squirt water, washcloths, and Barbie accessories. What a mess!

I have tried many other products that claim they are for holding toys in the bathtub. Not one of them has ever worked for me. Anything with a suction cup DOES NOT stick to the wall.

We had Barbies all over the tub. It's not a pretty sight.

I found this, the Bask Shower Caddy by Umbra, at The Container Store yesterday for $19.99. It has two hooks at the top, so it can hang from the curtain rod, towel rod, or the shower head. I hung ours from the shower head. All three baskets have holes in the bottom for draining, and the baskets can be adjusted up or down the chain. This is GENIUS!

All of our Barbies fit in here, all our washcloths, all the itty bitty toys that seem to be so necessary for bath time.

Princess was quick to point out an additional feature that I was unaware of: I had inadvertently put all of her toys in the top basket and all of Big Sister's toys in the middle basket. You can divide toys by kid, by basket. Even better!!

I Lost A Toof

I don't mind blood. My blood, that is. It's kind of fascinating, really.

But Scott's blood? Nope. Can't handle it. I have to throw him a towel from across the room or send the kids to get him Band-aids.

I really, really can't handle the girls' blood. I can handle vomit, but not blood. Thank goodness I can run to the next door neighbor's house and let her bandage up my kids.

Thank goodness that Band-aids fix anything. They make mosquito bites better, make mini scratches better, they make any owie better. Fascinating. We keep several boxes in the bathroom. Hey, a girl has to have options!

Back to the blood. I can't handle loose teeth, either. The girls like to twist them and wiggle them, all while giggling at my discomfort.

The Princess, who is 5, has lost 4 of her bottom teeth and had a top tooth dangling. People ask me if she got her baby teeth early. Nope. She's just losing them early. People ask me what that means. I tell them it means she's a genius. (There is no scientific evidence to support this, but it's a great response.) And by the way, she's not a genius. Smart, yes. A negotiator, absolutely.

She ran up to me the other day, with a puddle of blood in her hand. "Look, mom! My toof came out!" I froze. I didn't even hear what she said. I was focused on the blood in her hand. I looked at her mouth. Blood.

Ohmigosh! She lost a tooth! There was a tooth in her hand, under all that blood. Wow. And sure, honey, I would LOVE to pick up that bloody tooth and wipe it off and hold it for you until we get home and you can put it under your tooth fairy pillow. *shudder*

And now The Princess looks like a hillbilly with that tooth missing! But don't worry, the other one is loose, too.

The Princess is a fashion maven

I wish I had taken a picture of her this morning before she left for Museum School.

She wore a new, pink dress. And her pink cowgirl boots with rhinestones. And a sparkly headband, which she pushed so far back on her head that it doesn't keep any of the hair out of her face.

She then asked me if she could wear makeup to MSchool. Uh, no.

She pranced her way into MSchool, smoothing her dress down, and twirling around so everyone could see how beautiful she looked.

I love it!

Will try and post a pic of her soon. She's priceless!

Reflections on the Tri

I finished my first triathlon two weeks ago. It was a Sprint Triathlon, which means we swam (in a pool) for 275 yards, biked 12 miles, and then ran a 5K.

I had a BLAST.

Well, honestly, during the biking part I was ready to throw in the towel because it was so damn hilly and there was a terrible headwind. But, I persevered. I finished!

I was more nervous testing for my yellow belt than I was for this race. I knew that if I could perform in front of strangers for my yellow belt, swimming, biking, and running would be easy.

And it was easier than I thought (except for the biking part).

I started in the back of the pack due to my lackluster swim time, so I had plenty of time to watch the better swimmers. I chatted with the men and women around me as we waited our turn in the pool. There were people of all ages and all fitness levels there.

I had been the most nervous about the swim leg of the race, but it went so much better than I thought. A few people passed me; I passed a few people. Never once did I have to stop and walk or hang on to the side of the pool. I was so thankful when I got out that I walked to the transition area to get my bike. I WALKED (note to self, in next race, RUN to the transition area).

Managed to get my socks, shoes, helmet, sunglasses, shirt on. Walked to the mounting area, got on the bike, and I was off! I was on a friend's bike and hadn't spent enough time getting familiar with it, so that slowed me down a bit.

Like I said earlier, the bike leg was my worst. I was not prepared for the hills. And I was paranoid about crashing my friend's expensive bike. Don't even think I passed one person on this leg of the race. There wasn't much scenery to look at, and honestly, I was so focused on the road because I didn't want to hit any potholes. Those bike seats are NOT comfortable, and hitting holes in the road hurts.

Dismounted at the transition area, and my legs nearly collapsed under me. And I was just walking the bike back to the rack! I still had a 5K to run. Yikes! Took my time here, again, as my legs were recovering. Switched shoes, took off the helmet, put on my running hat, and was off!

I rounded the first corner and saw my sweet, sweet girls and husband, cheering me on. That gave me a boost of energy and made me smile throughout the run. It was such a good feeling to have someone cheering me on. The 5K was a circular course that we looped twice, so I got to see the girlies again on my second loop. This course was hilly, too, but wound through a neighborhood, so it was a nice distraction to look at the houses as I ran by.

As I approached the finish line, my girls jumped off the curb and grabbed my hands. I ran with them across the finish line and it was the best feeling EVER. Yes, even better than getting my yellow belt. I did it! I finished my first triathlon, and my girls helped me finish it.

The next day my quads were sore, but that was it. So I signed up for another sprint triathlon at the end of May. Can't wait!!

2 Yellow Belts in the House!

Big Sister and I tested for our yellow belts in karate last week. We have been training for this since December.

And we were ready.

We spent the weeks before the test practicing; even had a private lesson the day before.

And it went really well. Better than I thought, actually.

I was expecting that each person would perform individually, which made me super nervous. All those parents watching! However, we tested as a group. It was still nerve wracking, but manageable.

Once again, I was so proud of my daughter, who performed almost flawlessly.

I got tripped up on one of the self-defense moves. The instructor had another student (whom I had never met) grab my shoulders from behind. I had to twist around, lock his arms up, then pretend to hit him in the stomach. I got three chances to do this move correctly, and I had to use all three. Really, honestly, the thing that got me on this move, was that I was so incredibly close (and suddenly somewhat intimate) with someone I didn't know.

That's something I'm going to have to get over. Being that close to someone I don't know. I guess I have personal space issues. It's just weird being that close to someone.

But looking back on it, it was a great evening. Big Sister and I set a goal and we ACCOMPLISHED that goal. We did it together. And now we know that we can do most anything!

On a different note, The Princess was swimming with a friend (who is 11 years old) and they were rough housing in the pool. He got frustrated with her and pushed her off the pool float. She was surprised and swam to the side and cried. I told him to apologize, and he did. Later that evening, I told Princess that if she is EVER pushed by a boy again she is to push him back (hard) then tell him he is never to push girls again. I told her boys who push girls are not respectful of women and she is to leave after she tells him no more pushing. She listened and agreed. We'll see what happens.

Mama Goof

The Princess loves to play basketball. I SWEAR I signed her up for a YMCA summer basketball league.

However, I just got a call from her BASEBALL coach. Practice starts Monday.

Hah hah on me. Big goof! She's excited about using a pink glove, though, so it might all work out.

More blog soon about yellow belts and triathlons!

Things I've Learned

Not a life changing, awe-inspiring list. Don't expect to be amazed. But I bet you've learned some of these lessons yourself:

*When Husband says he'll be home early, he does not mean 2 hours early. Not even an hour early. He means he'll be home 5 minutes early, then sit in the truck in the driveway talking (for work, of course!) for another 20 minutes. Technically, he was home early. I used to think "early" meant early and would eagerly await for him to come home and play with the kiddos. I have learned.

*That it's ok to serve vegetable with butter and salt if it's the only way my kiddos will eat them. At least they're eating veggies, right?! I have learned.

*The disappearance of all hair clips, bows, and rubber bands can be blamed on the kiddos. I find Barbies and stuffed animals with the weirdest hairdos, bunny ears painfully pulled back into clips, dog collars laced with ribbons. I have learned. Don't buy more hair clips, just go find the stuffed animals and steal them back.

*I have learned to delegate chores I don't want to do to the kiddos. Don't want to clean up dog poop? Now it's an item on their chore chart. Tired of unloading the dishwasher day after day? Chore chart! This is great! Lesson quickly learned.

*I know when my kiddos need to go the bathroom before they do. They hop, twist, and wriggle around and steadfastly answer, "NO, I do not need to go the bathroom. Stop asking." Two minutes later, BAM, they have to go to the bathroom and it's a matter of national importance that they go NOW. Hurry up Mom. Hurry up! Still, I can't help but asking them over and over, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Still learning on this one.

Puke etiquette?

My eldest, the Big Sister, threw up in karate class tonight.

She had been feeling a bit "off" all day. Her head hurt; she wasn't hungry. I took her temperature in the early afternoon and she was fine. We went to karate.

A little more than halfway through class she said her stomach hurt. She was excused to go to the restroom. She came back and asked if she could sit out for the last 10 minutes, because her stomach hurt. This is not typical for the Big Sister. She sat down, called to me, and I saw her face go white.

I got permission to leave the mat (always the rule follower), asked her if she was going to throw up. She nodded, I grabbed her hand and we headed to the bathroom. Two steps later, she lost it.

I had two thoughts flash through my mind at this point: One, we would never make it to the bathroom in time, and two, if we tried to go to the bathroom, we would just leave a nasty trail behind us. I opted to stay where we were and try and keep the mess contained to one spot.

I held my hands out to catch it, VERY aware that we were in the parent viewing area, and on the carpet. She vomited until I had no more room for her to vomit into, and onto the floor it went. (I know this is gross, but bear with me. There's a point.)

Finally, one of the other dads hopped up and ran out. He came back in with a trashcan, but she was done by then. Everyone else just sat there and watched.

One mom did get up and hand us some kleenex when we were done. It was a helpful gesture, as Big Sister had stuff all down the front of her shirt and pants, and her belt. And her feet. (Before you start feeling too sorry for her, let's all remember that I had the stuff in my hands. IN MY HANDS. And on my pants and my feet--cuz, really, it's all about me, right?!)

Is there some sort of etiquette when a child vomits? I felt terrible that we had made such a mess. In the main walkway. In the parent viewing area. On the carpet. Not on the slick, easy to clean mats. Not outside. Not in the bathroom. I apologized profusely as the owner cleaned up. I so wanted to help her. After all, it's my kid's puke. I should be the one to clean it up, right? But Big Sister was embarrassed and feeling poorly. She wanted to get home.

So we went home.

Found out later the instructor had to finish cleaning it up. Ugh. Poor guy.

Big Sister took a shower at home, put her pjs on and crawled into bed. She immediately fell asleep. And three hours later she is still asleep. Poor kid.

Bath Time...or Lack Thereof

Today the Princess announced, "Mom, I haven't had a shower or bath in a long time. I need to take one."

This is from the 5 year old.

This is a problem.

Has it really been since Sunday when she last took a bath?

Holy cow. Bad parenting award, right here. I'm the winner of that one.

She didn't smell, her hair didn't look dirty. I had no idea she had gone so long without washing. Eeewwwwwwww. I apologize to all who have come into contact with my daughter in the past few days, especially her school mates.

However, despite my poor parenting skills and her dirt, the Princess managed to meet her husband at school this past Wednesday. She got in the car and announced that she had decided who her husband was going to be. She wanted to double-check with me to see if it is ok for her to marry someone with darker skin than herself. I told her yes, she smiled and told me the name of the boy she is going to marry. I asked her if she had informed the boy about her plans. "Not yet," she said.

At least a little dirt hasn't stopped her world from turning!

Anyone else ever forget to wash their kids?

2 Things NOT To Do On An Airplane

1) If your daughter (or son) is playing her Nintendo DS Mario Bros. game, DO NOT yell out, "Kill the bomb!" on an airplane. Nothing bad happened to me, except I freaked out Scott, but the potential was there. I thought nothing of it at the time. She's playing a game, for goodness sakes. But, really, it's not a good thing to yell on a plane.

2) Do not let your kids play with Glitter Lava. It's kinda like Silly Putty and kinda like Play-Doh. It's oozie, it's stretchable, and it has glitter in it. Perfect to keep the girls occupied on our flight- so I thought. Once again, husband pointed out that playing with gel on an airplane isn't a good idea. Point taken, especially since I had already yelled Bomb (see #1).

*An opinion about Glitter Lava. DO NOT BUY IT. It does not come out of clothes. It's a great toy if you're going to let the kiddos run around, outside, naked, but other than that, it's a no go.

Things Our Kids Teach Us

Aren't kids amazing?

They teach us so many things. Patience, for one.

But they also introduce us to parts of life that we would have missed out on otherwise. Take karate, for instance. I never thought I would be working toward my yellow belt; I am because of my children. Isn't that great?!

I am now tackling one of my fears: skiing.

I used to love skiing. Somewhere along the way, I developed a fear of skiing. Not of falling. I don't mind if I fall. I'm scared of not stopping. I'm scared of getting on and getting off the ski lift.

But we decided as a family to go skiing for Spring Break, so here I am, facing my fears for my kids. I don't want them to know I'm scared, because I want them to fall in love with skiing.

First run of the day after dropping the kiddos off at ski school--I cried the entire way down. It just scared me.

At the bottom of the run I told Scott I wanted to take a group lesson. I got signed up and within the first 30 minutes, ski instructor Chuck got me over my fears. Yup. No more ski fears! YES!

So, tomorrow Big Sis, Dad and I will go skiing together for the first time. Princess didn't quite pass Ski School so she has to go back tomorrow.

I love my kids! I'm skiing again, without fear, because of them.

Week 1, Tri Training

I have completed week one of my first ever Triathlon Training.

Whew!

Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Meaning, I could actually complete each day's worth of exercises. No small feat for someone as nonathletic as me.

Swimming on Day One was harder than I thought. I realized that even though I can run a 5K (again, something of a challenge for this asthmatic, nonathletic mom) I am not in the best of shape. However, I LOVED the swimming. Now I am on a hunt to find a place where I can swim several times a week. I've even got the gear: (because if you're gonna attempt something, you gotta look your best!) swim cap, nose clip, goggles. Bring it on!

My bike has been in the shop getting a tune up so I had to use the stationary bike at the gym. Not a big fan of the stationary bike. It just doesn't really feel like a workout; which makes me think I may not be doing it correctly.... But, I picked up Sparkles (the bike. Yes. I named my bike) today and she is ready to go. Group bike is tomorrow. I am already intimidated because I know I am the weakest of the group- which lends itself to predatory animal analogies, but I try not to go there. Have not been on a real (non-stationary) bike in about 5 years, so tomorrow will be very interesting. Hope I don't fall off.

Couldn't do the run on Thursday because I hurt my knees in karate class the night before. I walked around the zoo for three hours though, so that counts for something! My knees have recovered, so I completed the run for today. Yay me!

The Core workout for the swim was a nice change. Hard, but I really enjoyed it.

So, there ya have it. Week One. Check.

Next week looks to be about the same, but Week Three we step things up a bit.

Haven't noticed any weight loss yet, but overall I just feel healthier.

My arm is finally better, so I can start weights this week.

I am really enjoying this whole experience so far, and am super glad to have a reason to look forward to exercising.

Learning New Things

Just wanted to share a few new things going on in our household:

**I have discovered the most wonderful book EVER. It describes my Princess perfectly and how to "handle" her.

Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer? by Dr. Spears and Dr. Braund

I've always known that Princess wasn't strong-willed. But she is...something. According to this book, she is a dreamer. Imaginative, sensitive, moody, compassionate, and stubborn. It's almost as if the authors have been spying on my family for the past 5 years. That's how PERFECT this book is describing Princess. I have highlighted something on almost every page. I FINALLY feel that I understand my child. She is not an easy one to figure out, but she is amazing.

Scott and I have been implementing some of the techniques used in the book and we have seen a change in Princess. More compliance. More happy (if that's possible!). Fewer tears and whining. I'm going to buy a copy of this book for every teacher that Princess has!!

**The chore chart.

We have tried these in the past, and we are pitiful at following through with them. This time, we have vowed that we will be better.

The one thing that sold me on this chore chart as opposed to the others we've tried, is that the kiddos get to choose whether or not they get an allowance at the end of the week, or a special treat that they choose.

Both of my kids picked the special treat. Big Sis chose to make a special cake with Mommy on Saturday. Just the two of us. Princess chose to have Dad take her to the park on Saturday--just the two of them.

As expected, Big Sis is WAY into the chore chart. She's Type A, first born child. Princess has shown more interest than usual, I think because her reward is so special to her.

Just an update on what is going on here. Hope all is well in your household!

A Small Bit About My Girls

The Princess--I am learning that there are parts to her personality that I cannot change. I can tell her, and tell her, and tell her that her voice sounds rude. She doesn't get it. That's just the way her voice sounds.

--I am also learning that I need to be strict with her. It's easier to back off my discipline because I know she's going to get mad, fuss, yell. But I am the grown up here and I know why I'm doing what I'm doing (most of the time). If I back off, even a little, she walks all over us. And while some of it may be cute now, those habits won't be so cute when she's older (although she will still be adorable!).

Big Sister--I felt sick this evening and went straight to bed before dinner. My sweet 7 year old made me dinner. Pretzels, crackers, raisins, an apple (which she washed and took the sticker off!) a cereal bar, and a DanActive drink. I ate the crackers and raisins to be nice, but really, my stomach wasn't up to it. Then she brought me all my stuffed animals. Yes, I still own stuffed animals at 35 years of age. My husband is learning that when he buys the girls a stuffed animal, Momma needs one, too! Then Big Sis brought me water. Then she went to the kitchen and made me the most beautiful picture. She loves to draw and color, and she loves to share her art with others. When I'm feeling better I'll take a pic of the artwork and post it. She then got in her pjs and snuggled next to me in bed and hugged and kissed me all night. How could I NOT feel better after all that lovin? What a precious, sweet girl God has blessed us with.

I love my girls.

The Princess is Sneaky

As she was avoiding bedtime tonight, The Princess announced to me that she regularly sneaks down the stairs when we think she's asleep. I asked her how many times she has done this and she rolled her eyes, smiled, and said, "I don't know."

I laughed. It's just so...HER.

She sleeps upstairs, in the only bedroom we have upstairs. It is ridiculously simple for her to come down the stairs, through the kitchen and into the front living room without us knowing. Or, what she usually does, is stop in the kitchen and watch the living room TV. We can't see her from our places on the couch.

One night I found her sitting on the red couch in the front living room; just sitting. Hands folded in her lap, looking out the window, waiting for her Daddy to come home. She scared the fool out of me. But I sat down with her, and we laughed and hugged till her Daddy came home and carried her to bed.

She is amazing.

Building A Snowman

I don't get it. I know that admitting this will make me look like an idiot, but I am ready to face that label.

I just don't get how to build a snowman. Is it because I grew up in North Texas, where we rarely ever have enough snow to build a snowman?! It's something that I have NEVER been able to do.

I get the physics. Snow. Ball. Set on top. Repeat.

But when I build a snowman, he turns out looking like a lumpy mess.

I'm not even going to include pictures from today's snow day. It's too pathetic. I can't even make it look better with a scarf or hat.

Luckily, my kids aren't too interested in snowman building. They'd rather throw snow at each other. Or find "clean" patches of snow and eat it.

Can someone please explain this to me? Or send me a YouTube link so I can finally figure this out?! It's embarrassing, really.

Update on Depression

Today is Day 11 of Lexapro. The doctor said that at a minimum I might maybe be able to tell a difference on Day 10.

Maybe I'm imagining things, but today is less gloomy.

Who cares if I'm imagining it?! Bring on the less gloomy!

I always compared myself to the TV ads (because, you know, TV is such a true reflection of reality) about depression meds and thought, "That's not me. I don't feel like a nobody, I don't sit on the couch all day. I get out. I do things. I don't want to do things, but I do them." But there was always a gloominess to my days. A heaviness on my shoulders. A "another day of this??" type of attitude.

Day 11 has not magically changed everything. But I see some light shooting through the gloominess. :-) Bring it on!

The Karate Chronicles

Last weekend our karate studio had an in-house tournament. The Princess, Big Sis, and I participated.

Princess walked in, straight from a basketball game, and performed the first half of Form 1, with her own special somersault and front kick thrown in at the end. She walked out onto the mat, in front of the 4 judges and a room full of people, and with courage beyond her years, performed. Sweet thing! She earned a special medal for her courage. I am so proud of her!

Big Sis and I competed in 3 categories: Family Forms, Family Self-Defense Demo, and Friend Forms.

The other families in the Family Forms division were all higher level belts, and that made me so nervous. The first family performed, TO MUSIC, and they blew everyone out of the water. Big Sis and I had practiced for 2 weeks, daily, for the tournament. And in our first tournament we earned a Special Recognition for our Form 1. Yay! Reagan did SO well, and we performed very well.

Next we had Family Self-Defense; we also practiced this daily for two weeks. She and I both added our own humor into the Demo, and we both were very happy with the Demo we created. Again, we competed against families with different belt levels. And we had fun with it. Reagan was so self-assured and confident. I was NOWHERE that competent at 7 years old! In this Demo we placed third. Honestly, I was disappointed with this placement, but Reagan was thrilled, and really, for our first tournament, we did great!

Friend Forms. I knew we wouldn't win this category. The two brothers who won Family Self-Defense Demos were also in this category and they are just amazing. But, we did our best. And it was fun. It was fun to see our hard work pay off, it was fun to perform with my daughter, and it was fun to show others that we can do Form 1. We earned second in this category.

So, three medals and two ribbons later, we went home. A happy, tired family.

Competing in this tournament has really made me eager to earn my yellow belt. I know I still have some time before this happens, but I know that Reagan and I CAN do it. And sweet little Princess will earn her white belt soon enough!

And the Diagnosis Is...

Anxiety and depression.

Which, really, explains a helluva lot.

My OB/GYN tried to tell me this last year. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because there was no reason for me to be depressed. I have a wonderful family, beautiful house, and am surrounded by loving family and friends.

But this time around, I understood. This is not a choice I make. It's chemical.

This time, I felt relieved to hear him say Depression. It made all the other pieces fall into place. I am NOT going crazy. I am NOT a bad mom. I just, well, I have issues.

And now that I am willing to own up to that, I can deal with it. He's started me on Lexapro. He said it should take a minimum of 10 days for it to work. I'm on Day #5.

My sleep pattern is now off: I wake up at 4 a.m. and have a really hard time getting back to sleep. A friend suggested I get up and write. She says it's a creative time for her, that early in the morning.

Good idea.

I'll keep you posted.

He texts, She texts

Does anyone else have this problem?

Is *seems* that dear husband's phone does not receive MY texts. OK, so my texts aren't hugely important, just "Stop by the store on your way home to get milk" kind of texts. Occasionally there is the informative text, "The Dr. said my bloodwork is fine," or the "I'm in Best Buy standing next to the Wiis. Where are you?" text.

Oh, he gets all sorts of other texts during the day: the Tiger Woods joke of the day, the invites to play golf, the ones where a client files a claim.

Yet, somehow, he says, "Nope. Didn't get your text. Must be something wrong with the phone." (shakes phone for emphasis)

Maybe I'll change the context of my texts (if you get my drift....) and we'll see what happens THEN! ;-)

Lesson Learned

Just so you know-

Don't EVER put a bottle of water in your purse. It might accidentally get turned upside down and, unbeknownst to you, start dripping all over the inside of your purse. Then, you might not discover it until the entire bottle has dripped into your purse, giving you your very own Lake De Coach.

I don't mind the wet wallet, the soggy Kleenex, or even the lipstick swimming in water. It really doesn't bother me that my favorite purse will now have a watermark on it.

It's my Kindle. *sob* Dripping wet. It turns on, but only allows me to read one or two pages before it starts automatically flipping pages backwards. The only way to make it stop is to turn it off.

And I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A REALLY GOOD STORY. And my husband's not home, so I have the entire evening to do nothing but read.

And now I can't. *sob* And my Kindle has gone crazy.

Just a word to the wise: don't put water bottles in your purse. Bad things can happen, man. Bad things.

He loves me...He really really loves me

Hubby and I went on a date last night.

House of Blues.

SuperDiamond.

They're a Neil Diamond tribute band, and nothing says middle aged married couple like going to a tribute band--especially a Neil Diamond band.

At least the venue was hip.

We questioned even going because SuperDiamond didn't take the stage until 10:00. PM. We're usually asleep on the couch at that point, waking up just in time for the weather. Then we stumble to the bedroom and go to bed.

Back to the HOB. We get there and the opening band was L O U D. And, without me saying anything, Scott found me a pair of earplugs to wear.

I couldn't have made it though the night without them. Sweet Scott knows me well enough, and such a small act of kindness and love made the whole evening great.

And, of course, SuperDiamond was great, too!!!

Peer Pressure

There is a new kind of peer pressure lurking on my horizon.

We've been dealing with peer pressure our whole lives. I distinctly remember one instance in second grade. The teacher asked us to raise our hands if we wanted to fly to the moon and be astronauts. All hands shot up across the room--except mine. I had no interest in going to the moon. But it only took one look around the room and one kid to say, "How could you NOT want to go to the moon? Everyone else does." I stuck my hand in the air. I gave in.

In my sweet little corner of the world, where your kids go to school is a big peer pressure issue. And I'm talking preschool.

But this isn't the issue I'm talking about. Both of my kids will be in school full-time next year. NEXT YEAR. It's not even summer. It's barely the half-way point of the school year. And here it comes:

"What are you going to do when both of your kids are in school full-time next year?"

"Ummmmm," I stumble. "Not sure, but I'll do something." (God forbid I just sit at home and enjoy my solitude!)

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Hmmmmmm. The obvious, unstated issue is, Are you going to be a productive member of society or just sit around and do nothing all day and how could you possibly do that???

Getting a job, even part-time, is not an option. You see, I've never held a job that I really liked.

Retail jobs-hated them.

Teaching-better than retail, but still not my thing.

Subbing in my kid's school-again, not my thing.

Here is what I love to do: be around books. But, as I mentioned above, retail is out of the question, so no Barnes & Noble. I volunteer in the library at my kid's school once a week and I love it. They're not hiring, though, so I'll probably just volunteer more once next year starts.

What am I good at? Friends, family, reading. The kind of stuff you don't get paid to do.

So, what AM I going to do in the fall when my kiddos are gone all day? I don't know. I'm already sweating it, but I don't know.

Maybe I'll finally get caught up with my reading!

Hiding

I have found the perfect hiding place.

I'm not talking about hide-n-seek hiding place. I'm talking get away from your kids yet still be close enough in case something goes wrong hiding place.

My wonderful new hiding spot? The Princess's Room!

Let me set the stage: her room is the only bedroom upstairs and it is attached to the playroom. She wanted to move up there so she could have the playroom (and sister's toys) at her fingertips. She is a clever bird, this one!

I went up there yesterday to reorganize and declutter, as her birthday is one week after Christmas. I was up there for 2 hours, by myself, watching CMT and getting her room done the way I wanted it done!

And not one person bothered me. It was heavenly. It was quiet. It was clean.

It's my new hiding spot.

Karate is therapeutic

I had a bad day Wednesday, so I wanted to skip karate. After arguing with myself all afternoon, I decided I would take one for the team and go. I didn't want Reagan to do assessments by herself.

Assessment means we were being tested over a particular skill in karate. This time it was Stances and Blocks. If we passed, we earned a stripe on our belts. Reagan and I have only been in the white belt class for a short time, and while she learned the basics of Stances and Blocks in her Beginner Karate class, I did not (as I happily sat in the parent area and read my book for an hour, twice a week. Bliss!).

So, we've had one day of instruction in Stances and Blocks, plus the knowledge of Stances and Blocks that are in Form 1. We've been tested over Form 1, and we both know that.

This time we get to test as a group, which takes a great deal of pressure off of me. And we could take our time--if I was one or two steps behind, that was ok. Which is good, because when I have to do my Stances walking backwards, I really have to concentrate. There's so much to remember! Feet have to face a certain way, stomach has to face a certain way, hands fold across your body in a certain way, then unfold in a block or punch. It's kind of like line dancing, but without the music or the cute guys in cowboy hats. But I digress....

Reagan and I both passed our assessment, and we both earned our yellow stripe! We are now third degree white belts!

I'm so thankful for my kids. Without them, I wouldn't be participating in karate. As adults, we think we have so much to offer, and to teach, our kids. Really, they are the ones who introduce us to so many new things. They expand our world, and we are so much the better for it.

I left class Wednesday night, much happier (we both earned our stripe!) and much healed from my mess earlier in the day.

One of THOSE Days

Have you ever had one (or two or three) of those days where you feel like you're insides are going to snap apart? It might be something small that breaks you, but you know you're about to break?

I'm about to break.

Can't really give you a reason why.

After I dropped the kiddos off at school today I came home and got back in bed. For two hours. Watched JAG on tv. I love JAG!

I ignored the laundry, the dishes, dinner, errands, all of it. So now, hours later, how do I feel? Still drawn tight, like I might snap. The trick is to see if I can get through karate class without crying in front of the kids and the college-age instructor.

I'm blaming this on PMS. Ever had one of those days? You're just not sure you're gonna make it through without yelling at someone? It will be a test of my strength and will to make it through the next two hours. Will let you know.

Another Lesson Learned in Karate

Karate is done in the bare feet.

After my first lesson, I went home and changed my toenail polish--it was too chipped and dull for me to be showing my bare toes in class twice a week.

After today's lesson, I am going to start using lotion on my feet every day. We did a lot of stretching today, and that gives me time to think. And time to notice my feet.

They're dry and they need to be loved on a bit more. I was silently praying that we wouldn't do any stretching with partners; I didn't want someone holding my ankles while I did sit-ups. Ack! They might notice my dry, scaly feet.

How sad is this? I am obsessing over other people noticing my dry feet. But if I had to hold someone's ankles for 35 sit-ups, I would notice.

So, tomorrow I will take care of my feet before I go to bed. And tomorrow, I will call and make an appointment for a pedicure.

Funny lessons learned in karate today.

The Princess Turns 5

The Princess, our youngest, turned 5 on New Years Day.

Yes, a New Year's baby. Which really isn't as cool as it might sound (at least, not for mom and dad). She is always up early on her birthday, which means no sleeping in. And if we have a gift that needs to be assembled, doing so on New Years Eve, with bubbly in hand is not a good idea.
So, as tribute to the Princess, I wanted to blog about all the things she has taught me, lessons learned, the joy she brings to our family, the love she spreads.
Then last week happened and the real world slapped me in the face. Amanda had to go to the doctor and she was prescribed some cough medicine with a decongestant in it. My sweet, loving child turned into a monster. Little did we know, at the time, that it was the medicine causing the Jekyll/Hyde transformation.

We just knew we were going through our own little version of hell. The Princess suddenly had a very short fuse, argued constantly with everyone, and was incredibly rude and disrespectful to all.

At first I blamed the holidays: too much stimulation, too little structure, too much time with her sister.

I panicked. I went to WebMD and searched kids and bipolar issues, kids and ADHD. My searches showed me that she did not have any of the symptoms, as I knew, deep down.

I cried, I prayed, I asked my best friend to pray.

I wracked my brain to figure out what had changed in our family in the past week to cause her to behave so erratically. And it hit me: her meds.

I grabbed the prescription bottle and went back to WebMD and looked up her decongestant. Sure enough, "causes anxiety and agitation in young children". Whoa.

We stopped giving her the meds, kept her at home, and kept her quiet and calm for the next day. HUGE improvement!!

We have our sweet little princess back!

What an ordeal. So glad this past week is over!

Onward with 2010!